The Longest Farewell

When Nula’s husband James, an Irish documentary filmmaker, becomes forgetful they put it down to the stress of his work. But his behavior becomes more erratic and inexplicable, and he is eventually diagnosed as suffering from Pick’s Disease, an early onset and aggressive form of dementia. Suddenly their lives change, and Nula is forced to watch as her beloved husband is gradually taken away from her, their story moving through unexplainable behaviour, the shock of diagnosis, coping with the ongoing illness, not coping with the illness, to the indignities of care home life. The Longest Farewell is a moving description of James’ utter mental and physical deterioration, and the effect that it had both on him and on the people from whom he was involuntarily retreating, particularly Nula, who gives up her international practice as an interior designer to care for him. Her life is completely taken over by James’ illness: her frustration at trying to cope, her guilt at having to hand over his care to professionals in England, are just part of her at times harrowing story. With James in care and left with seemingly little to do but wait for his death, Nula meets Bonnie, another resident at the care home suffering from the same condition. In a remarkable twist of fate, she in turn meets Bonnie’s husband, the broadcaster John Suchet and the similarity of their positions becomes a bond between them. As they help each other to cope with the dreadful, bewildering loss they are both experiencing, gradually and inevitably, the bond between them becomes stronger and after some guilt induced false starts, Nula’s story takes a bitter-sweet turn: they become partners, and eventually marry. A unique story of friendship and love, distress, pain, and ultimate joy. Nula has chronicled her journey in the hope that anyone whose life is blighted with dementia can know that the tunnel they feel enclosed by need never be totally closed. The Longest Farewell is a heartfelt yet inspiring account of dealing with dementia, and of unexpectedly finding a happy ending.