How to Love Someone Without Losing Your Mind: Forget the Fairytale and Get Real

A brutally honest guide that cuts through the bullsh*t and sky-high expectations of modern love to help you build healthier and more fulfilling relationships, from the creator of viral Instagram account YourDiagnonsense

Whether you're on the apps or have already walked down the aisle, you are probably struggling to feel authentically connected. It's not just you; modern love is a mess. We’ve all heard the advice: You deserve to be loved unconditionally! People pleasing is bad! Your ex is a toxic narcissist! Love yourself first before you try to love someone else!

But psychotherapist and sex therapist behind the popular YourDiagnonsense accounts Todd Baratz is here to share the hard truth: These rules are merely defense mechanisms that will sabotage your ability to form deep connections with real people. Adult relationships are not a fairytale; they’re fundamentally insecure and full of risk. Unconditional love doesn’t exist between adult partners—you need to do your part in order to deserve your partner's love. Your ideal relationship won't be manifested, but it can be created through skills like communication, curiosity, trust, and forgiveness.

With wit, warmth, and wisdom, Baratz examines what our culture gets wrong about love, flips the rules that we’ve been taught, and offers a new way of relating to help you find your way to more fulfilling relationships, whether you're single or committed. Forget the fairytale fantasies that are keeping you stuck; trade them in for realism, accountability, and skills so that you can create satisfying, good enough relationships. Get real with your partner, get dirty, make mistakes, and ultimately grow together.

With examples from his own life as a gay man—from childhood traumas, a ten-year relationship, and his current experience with dating app culture—along with case studies from his work as a sex and relationship therapist, Baratz adds the needed nuance to what we seek most: love.